'but you don't look sick'

this is something i have heard A LOT recently, i am aware that i don't look sick, that i look just like any other 23 year old but that's the thing with INVISIBLE illnesses, the clue is in the name, you can't see it from the outside, but let me tell you i definitely feel it on the inside.

i'm also fed up of people telling me it's all in my head, you wouldn't be saying that if you woke up feeling dizzy, or if you couldn't feel your leg, i get that most people don't get it, and that's fine, but please don't belittle me and tell me i'm imagining it, because believe me i wish i was.

i found this description on facebook  and thought it was pretty accurate, i don't suffer from all of these symptoms and they aren't there 100% of the time, but the joys of Multiple Sclerosis is that you don't know when a symptom is going to hit and how long it's going to last.

now that i have had my rant i will go to something more positive...

I AM ALMOST 7 MONTHS RELAPSE FREE!!

this is a massive deal for me, since getting my diagnosis almost 2 years ago the longest i have been relapse free is 7 months, i am so close to beating that so i am feeling positive. :D

since i last posted i have also been discharged from my neuro physiotherapist this was daunting for me at first, but i have now realised that it is a good thing, i have been given a number to ring if i ever need to get in touch again but he said that he'd done all he could for me and that he could see improvements and i just needed to keep at it :)

sorry....

firstly let me apologize, i know i said i would be better at blogging this year and 7 weeks in i am still yet to post, but hey i guess things are better late than never right?

the first few weeks of 2014 have been very strange for me, i have found myself at opposite ends of the spectrum emotionally, i am seriously like a yoyo at the minute & there hasn't even been any explanation for it which is making is making it harder for me to handle.

I am now an honorary Auntie, my best friend gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on the 06.01.14, his name is Joey Christopher Brown and he weighed 6lb 14oz, at just over a month old he already had his Auntie Treece wrapped round his little finger, but I'm okay with that ;)

one of  my highest moments so far this year was my birthday present from my dad, he bought me tickets to go and see James Arthur, now for anyone who knows me personally or follows me on instagram will know that i am OBSESSED with this man, like seriously, i just love him. I will do a separate blog post on that, I have videos :)

the 31st January marked 2 years since my MS symptoms started, and thinking about it this may have been one of the reasons I have been so miserable and down, as much as I try to forget, certain dates stick in my head, and it is ALWAYS for a negative reason, i never remember the important dates like birthdays! but never mind, i think my brain was reliving all the traumatic experiences from 2 years ago so i have been down right, spending my life in my bedroom, not talking to anyone and randomly crying. 

BUT...

the 4th Feb marked a whole year since i started treatment for my MS, and that has put me in a more positive mood, at 3 injections a week for 52 weeks, that marked 156 INJECTIONS  and for someone who has always been terrified of needles and injections I think that this a massive achievement, that day was made even better when i got a text off one of my best friends saying 'so proud of you for getting through your first year of MS treatment Patrice, well done!'  it really is the little things that make your day.. 

we bought new batteries for my mobility scooter today too, so hopefully I will be able to use it without having to rely on my dad to rescue me cos i've run out of power lol, but i will keep you posted on that!

2013

I know i have been pretty shitty with blogging in 2013, i will try my best to be better this year.

But before i start, i feel like i should draw a line under 2013 so this blog post will be doing exactly that.

2013 was a big year. A lot happened although it feels like it was quite uneventful at the same time..

I remember i was supposed to start the treatment for MS on the 21st January, which was also my 22nd birthday, the timing wasn't brilliant but i worked on the basis hat the sooner i started it the better, the 21st January came and i was worried because it was all new to me and i hate needles, but it had been  snowing and the nurse couldn't get to me, so it was rescheduled for the 4th Feb, which meant i could enjoy my birthday :)

i started my treatment on 4th Feb as planned and it wasn't half as bad as i thought it was going to be, this was also the day i started my new job. so it was a big day for me, i definitely slept well that night lol.

i really thought i had landed on my feet with my new job, it was a little bit boring because no-one ever spoke so i spent the day in silence but they seemed to be understanding about my situation, an they even gave e a walking frame to help me cross the site so that i could do my job properly. they were aware of the fact that i had MS and said they would deal with  it as and when they needed too. i was actually going through a relapse when i started but i managed & that seemed to be enough for them. But then 2 weeks before my contract was due to be renewed (we'd spoke about it and it was definitely being renewed) i had a relapse, and this was my worst one yet, the severity of i coupled with my Cerebral Palsy left me practically bedridden so i rang them to let them know what was going on and i was told that they were no longer in a position to renew my contract so they wouldn't be seeing me again! - that was the last thing i needed to hear when trying to recover from a relapse, but i saw it as a blessing in disguise because i wasn't really happy. I guess my MS wasn't a problem whilst it was dormant but the reality is that it scared them off.

i bought myself  mobility scooter to give myself some more freedom & take some slack off dad, it turned out to be a complete waste of money, the battery life is rubbish so i can only use it for really short distances. Dad still prefers to take me everywhere because he was having to come and rescue me when the battery died anyway!

nothing much happened with the rest of the year until October when we got told that my nanna had taken a turn for the worse, she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in Feb 2012 and they thought she was in the final stages now, me and my nanna have never had the typical relationship that you are supposed to have with your grandparent, but that didn't make hearing the new any easier, i went to see her at least once or twice a week just so she knew i was there, seeing her so frail and unable to even feed herself or go to the toilet on her own was hard, but i didn't cry in front of her, she knew how upset everybody was, she didn't need to see it too. my nanna lost her fight on the 3rd December 2013 at the age of 67. the whole family was devastated but also relived because it meant her suffering had ended,  RIP Nanna, i love you <3

i got a new job on the 18th December, working as a personal assistant for my step brother, (they won't call me a carer because i don't have the qualifications.) he is 19 and autistic, he has also recently been diagnosed with psychosis and is having a tough time with it. it's not an easy job but is so much more rewarding than just sitting behind  desk.

well that was my 2013 in a nutshell and  this blog post was a lot longer than i was intending it to be!